


The Departed

by Squiddles66



Category: The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alexandria Safe-Zone, Cock Tease, Dom/sub, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Major Original Character(s), Plot, Rough Sex, Slow Build, Slow Burn, The Hilltop (Walking Dead), Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-06 22:16:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8771521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squiddles66/pseuds/Squiddles66
Summary: Eleanor has found that her group has gone missing; no indication of a struggle, however, the supplies had been taken.  While trying to find information on where her group ended up, she stumbles upon another group. Could these people — that go by the name of The Saviors —  hold the answer to her questions? The Saviors are nothing she's ever been a part of before, not to this mass. Even though she was safe she couldn't help but feel a little uneasy about the group. Working hard to afford her survival, she unintentionally gains attention from Simon, as well as the leader Negan.  Soon things begin to unravel and it's starting to not look good for her and her friend Liliane.





	1. Abandoned

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the first ever multi-chapter Fan-Fiction I’ve written. I started off writing poems about Negan/Reader because I didn’t think I would be good enough to write a Fan-Fiction, but I found that there was only so much I could write. One night as I was lying in bed my brain a little wild and came up with this story and it hasn’t shut up about it since. To this moment, I still think I’m not a good Fan-Fiction writer but I had to give it a shot, right? I hope you like the story and I would really appreciate your feedback.
> 
> I would like to take this moment to thank my best friend Ashley for letting me bounce ideas off you. I don't think I would have progressed so quickly with the plot if we hadn't of done that.

I'd gotten back to the base from the scavenger run; it's risky business going by myself, but the group is only a handful of five people, we couldn't afford to have a short number of people at the base. I wasn't bothered when I had to go out by myself; I handled myself quite well out there from the experience of it just being with myself and Liliane; going from one group to the other. When I got back to the base I was unaware that they were gone, everything seemed untouched; no sign of struggle what so ever. I walked around the base looking at the tents, avoiding yelling names to ensure I don't draw any walkers attention in the nearby area.

~

_“I’m starting to wonder if we’re better off being on our own Ellie.” Liliane turns to me with a smile on her face, but she looks at me with tired eyes._

_“Come on, you know I can only deal with you for a couple of hours, we need other people so you can talk their ears off, and not just mine” I playfully give Liliane a nudge to get a laugh out of her._

_“Yeah but you’re my best friend, it’s your job to put up with me.” She starts to giggle._

_“Yeah, you're lucky I love you," I say rolling my eyes._

~

With further investigation, I noticed some supplies had gone missing, and I start to panic.

"They couldn't have left me behind; Liliane wouldn't have let that happen. Something is not right here." I stood there at the base going through every possible scenario until I was suddenly snapped back into reality when I heard an engine start.

“Oh fuck!” I start sprinting to where I left the car parked, by the time I got there all I saw was the car speeding off.  
"Hey! STOP!" I manage to yell while sprinting after the car; which I knew was physically impossible for me. "Fuck! Fuck! FUCK! Motherfuckers! Piece of shit! FUUCK!". With each cuss word, I kicked and threw rocks, taking my frustration out on this puzzle I'm left with. Was that them? No, it couldn't have been.

***

 

I'd been walking what felt like days, but it was only just a few hours. I didn't have a plan, all I wanted is to find out what happen to my group, see if Liliane is okay. The best option I have is to follow the road the car took down. Hopefully, it'll lead me to the answers I'm looking for and not to a literal dead end.

Navigating the road, backpack filled with whatever supplies I could find at the base, my handmade bow and arrows sticking out the top and my hand resting on top of the grenade Liliane gave me years back. 

"Please be okay Lilly," I say, tapping the grenade.

~

_"Hey, Ellie! Check this out!” I start walking towards Liliane as she holds out a grenade “I found this just laying around, can you believe it!” She says with such amusement in her voice._  
“Here I want you to have this,” she takes my hand in hers and places it gently in my hand, “let this be a token of our friendship. We're destructive when people pull our pins.”

_I laugh shaking my head, “you’re such a dick, but thank you.”_

~

I had been so focused on looking for clues that I didn’t realise the group of people ahead of me. I quickly ran off the road behind some trees; could this be them? I couldn’t quite tell because I was still too far away, so I slowly start to make my way towards them to get a closer look.

Once I'd gotten closer I could see that it wasn't my group, they had a mixture of mean looking men and women; a lot of them too. Moving closer and closer through the trees trying to get a better look, making sure I maintain eye contact with the group as they talk amongst themselves around some trucks. I began to freeze when fear washed over my body; I could see my car that I took with me on the run. 

I start moving carefully — but frantically — through the trees to get a better angle of the car.   
"Where are you, Lilly?" Whispering to myself, hoping to see her.

"These motherfuckers have got some answers for me, and I need them now." I go about taking my bow and arrow out of the backpack, slowly place the arrow in position and begin to pull the bowstring taut. 

Stopping in mid pull, I feel a gun pressed against my temple as I hear a woman’s voice to my right.   
"I wouldn't do that if I was you, now lower that fucking bow!" I froze for a second, but I quickly aim the bow again, pulling the string back and releasing the arrow. I begin to turn my head towards the women. Before I could look at her, my face had connected with her fist.

The haziness from the punch couldn’t mask the pain from the women grabbing a fist full of my hair and dragging me out onto the road; soon I was met face to face with a lot of guns. 

“Arat! What the fuck do we have here? Is this where the fucking arrow came from?" I can hear a low, gravelly voice.

“She’s not much of a person to fucking cooperate” she pulls my head upwards so that I would stand. 

“I wasn’t aiming for anyone,” I motion my head towards the walker laying on the floor behind the two guys, “but you’re fucking welcome". They looked behind them and noticed the walker with an arrow in the middle of its head.

They turned back around to look at me, one of them walked a little closer — apparently not knowing the term of personal bubble —. He was tall; black hair slicked back; wearing a red scarf; a black leather jacket and a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire propped on his shoulder. 

“Don’t worry Arat. I'll make her fucking understand the motherfucking term of cooperation." He leans down so that our faces were inches apart. What felt like an eternity of his fiery expression a devilish grin spreads across his face "Hi, I'm Negan."


	2. New Recruit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor and Negan begin to discuss business, but she starts to realise that she has no other options but to dance with the devil himself. She'll do whatever it takes to find Liliane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who have been sending me kudos and liking the story so far. It really means a lot to me the amount of support I have gotten, thank you. I'm glad you're all liking the story so far. 
> 
> I would like to take a moment to thank flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash on Tumblr aka alreynolds13 on AO3 for helping me out with this chapter. I was super stuck on this one part of the chapter, but she helped me out a lot and got me unstuck, thank you. 
> 
> Like always I would love to hear your feedback on this chapter.

Arat throws my bow down on the ground towards one of Negan's men. Clenching my jaw as I watched it walloped the ground, hoping it doesn't break. 

“I can see you and Arat have already met." She walks away from me to stand beside Negan. If looks could kill I'd be dead, she apparently didn't appreciate my stunt back there. 

“Nice aim you got there. “as one of Negan’s men begins to pick up my bow, admiring it slightly.

"And this is Simon, my right-hand man." Simon is tilting his head giving me a grin from ear to ear. My heart skipped a beat, not sure if I was terrified of the smile or if I enjoyed it.

My eyes snap back to Negan as he begins to talk again. “Now doll,” he shoots me a devilish grin, “you’ve got some fucking explaining to do.”

“First, you can at least ask for my name. Second, I think you also have some exp—” Negan cuts me off by furiously swinging his bat off his shoulder and slamming it down on the ground. If I died from Arat’s stare from before, then I have been dug up and killed again.

"HA! You're fucking right!" He said as he throws his hands up in the air, "how fucking rude of me." He leans closer to my face, and I swallow hard. I find myself wanting to step backwards, but someone stops me. I was so focused on Negan that I hadn't realised that Simon made his way to me.

"I'll let you tell me your name; then you're going to fucking explain to me why the fuck you were creepin’ around in those trees over there.” He swings the bat to point towards the trees making me flinch. I’m starting to realise that he’s someone I shouldn’t be messing with. 

I can feel myself shaking, so I take a deep breath to steady myself. "Ele—Eleanor,” I say as I stumble my way through the conversation, “I—I came back from a run to find that my group is missing.” Negan is still maintaining the close distance between himself and I. “While I was walking around the base to find some clues the car was stolen.” I motioned towards the car.

“This piece of shit is your car?" I opened my mouth to reply, but he put his hand up to silence me. "Let me fucking clarify, this piece of shit WAS your fucking car.” He motioned me to continue explaining. 

“I—I followed the road the car took and saw a group of people,” swallowing hard again, I continue, “I wasn’t sure if it was my group of people, but the closer I got I realised it wasn’t.” I go silent for a second waiting to see if Negan would reply, but he didn’t so I continued. “I was just trying to suss you all out first before I approached,” still frozen in place, my breathing is at a fast pace, “I’m still trying to suss that out.” 

Negan is getting even closer to me like he's ready to stop me at any moment.

 

“A—all I wanted was some answers, if you saw anything or anyone,” I’m now getting frustrated and Negan can see that, “for god sakes, you have my fucking car, you were obviously at the base—”

Negan puts his pointer finger up to my lips to silence me. "You just assume we fucked with your group?" apparently not wanting me to reply yet, he continues, "let me ask you something, do you see any of your fucking people here?"

“No.” My reply was so silent I wouldn’t be surprised if Negan didn’t hear it. 

Negan steps away, finally giving me room to breathe. "Right! Your group isn't here, and you're back to square fucking one."

I bow my heading showing defeat, not knowing what to do next. 

Negan props his bat up onto his shoulders, “Arat! Grab her fucking shit. Simon, put her in the fucking truck, we're taking her to The Sanctuary." Before I could process what is happening, Simon started to escort me to the vehicle.

***

After some time, we arrived and to my surprise The Sanctuary is a huge industrial building and just between the gates and the building where a guard of walkers, chained and impaled. Quite an intimidating security system if you ask me.

Walking behind Negan; Simon behind me and Arat to my side, we begin walking into the building. Soon as we got inside I saw people kneeling, "and here are the rest of The Saviors," as Negan announces walking down the hall. The Saviors bowing down is a clear indication to me that Negan has power and respect. 

Reaching our destination Negan proceeds to open the door, Arat steps to the side to stand guard, giving Simon my items. It’s just Negan, Simon, and I in the room now.

In front of me, there is a large wooden office desk; I watched Negan take his jacket and scarf off, placing them on a hook. While I was busy watching Negan, Simon had my supplies, bow and arrows, my butterfly knife as well as my grenade sprawled out on the table. 

Trying to process all this new information I get a sudden shock when I hear Negan’s voice. 

"Simon, get her a fucking seat." He demands while he places one of his elbows on the arm of the chair and putting his bat on the table next to my items.  
Negan saw that I was watching his every move. 

“This is Lucille, isn’t she just beautiful.” Negan looks at his bat with admiring eyes.

Simon comes over towards me with a chair placing it behind me, as I take a seat a manage a weak thank you and watched him walk to the corner of the room.

Negan breaks eye contact with me and starts to examine the items on the table, starting off with my handmade bow. “This is an impressive fucking bow. Deadly when mindlessly aimed between two people," he says, tugging on the bow string. 

"It was given to me by an old man; a wood carver. He was part of my first group." I watched Negan with careful eyes, the more he tugs on the bow string, the more I realise he doesn't care.

He places the bow back down on the table and spots the grenade, “Well, lookie here!” He lets out a whistle of satisfaction. “Jesus Christ! You got all the fucking goodies don’t ya, doll.”

I found myself frowning at him, trying hard to bite my tongue from commenting on the nickname that he keeps giving me. 

"You have a few options," he leans forward from the chair, "If you want you can leave, we can take you back to where we found you," leaning back in the chair with arms spread, "or you can work for me, and in return, you'll be rewarded." Putting the grenade in his desk drawer and locking it, he continues. "Keep in mind, if you don't play by my fucking rules, you sure as shit will get punished."

Negan furrowed his brows, “I ain’t got all fucking day, doll!" I had no other option; I was sick of going from one group to the other. With this kind of opportunity, I might still be able to find out what happened to Liliane. 

"I have nowhere else to go, and this," moving my hand in a circular motion, "is by far the most secure group I've seen." 

I continue talking, feeling like I need to suck up to him now. “With all due respect, Negan,” he raises an eyebrow, curiosity getting the better of him, "I had no intention of killing anyone, I just wanted to see if you had some answers as to where my group went."

"Your group is fucking dead; I can tell you that much." He says with a smile on his face. "Simon, escort her out and show her around the compound." I sat frozen in the chair, what did he mean? Does he know something?

"Yeah, sure thing Negan." He walks towards me, and I begin to stand.

Before Simon could open the door, Negan called out. “Before you go, doll.”

“Yes?” I turned around slowly.

"Get your shit off my table," Negan says, waving his hand down at the items.

I head towards the table to grab my stuff, but Negan stopped me. 

“Where are your fucking manners?” He says with that devilish grin of his.

“Thank you, Negan," I say lowering my head.

***

Simon took me on a tour around the facility, describing in every detail what each area is used for. He also briefed me on everything I needed to know, what the rules are about and what would happen if I were to cut corners. While escorting to my room, I noticed a man with scars on one side of his face.

"Dwight-y boy over here is a prime example of the iron!" Simon says, putting one arm around Dwight's shoulders. "He was caught fooling around with one of Negan's wives." Dwight just stood there looking ahead, slight anger brushing across his face. "You see, Dwight and Sherry used to be husband and wife, but she threw you away so that she could be lazy and pampered." Simon laughs as Dwight aggressively gets out of Simons grasps, storming off behind me.

Simon explained to me how much Negan loved his women. Negan’s theory is, why settle for one? When he can have much more and make the world a happier place. I couldn't hide the disgusted look on my face from hearing all this.

"Calm down, Negan isn't holding them against their will," Simon says with a slightly offended tone. "They're free to leave whenever they want and go back to working for points again." Simon gives me a reassuring smile, but I'm not quite sure if I feel reassured.

“I’m surprised Negan didn’t give you that as a third option, probably had something to do with the fact that you dangerously shot an arrow at us.” I wasn’t quite sure if he was speaking his thoughts or if he was having a conversation with me.

“For the last time, I wasn’t trying to hurt any of you,” I say with an annoyed tone, “and why would you think he’d ask me to be part of his wife collection?”

We stopped at my door, and Simon begins to open it, "because you're one hell of a sight, sweets." He ushers me into my room and closes the door behind me.

I head over towards my bed, flopping onto it. I dropped my stuff down at my feet, and I bring my shaking hands to my face and silently weep. “Please be okay Lilly, I—I would be so lost without you." I choke on my words between each whimper. The only thing I had left to remind me of Lilly was the grenade; I'm afraid I'm never going to get it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I should also mention, as more and more chapters are uploaded I'll be adding more tags. I don't want to add any tags that could possibly spoil the story in the future and I don't want that.


	3. Bloom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor is fitting in and has got a good handle on how The Sanctuary is run. A little disappointed on the roles she’s been given but that doesn’t stop her from accidentally gaining a certain someone’s attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I say this all the time but I mean every word to it. I am so overwhelmed with the amount of support I am getting from you all and I can't thank you enough. It means the world to me that you all are enjoying this.

It’s been about a month since I joined The Saviors, and I haven’t gotten any closer to figuring out what happened to my group. Simon keeps telling me to forget about them because The Saviors are my family now, but Simon knows that I can’t give up on them, especially Lilly, not after what we’ve been through.

I was hoping to get the scavenging job, that way I could take advantage of leaving the compound and heading back to the base to look for further clues. Simon said that I wasn't ready for such tasks, so I got given jobs like cleaning, cooking, and stock-taking of the supplies. At the end of each day, I get rewarded with points that can be spent on anything I can afford.

Most of the time I spend it on hygienic needs and decent meals. However, sometimes we get lucky, sometimes we don’t need to spend points on vegetables at dinner thanks to The Saviors that go out hunting for supplies. I’m a little curious as to how they find such a huge amount of supplies; surely, they don’t find them all while scavenging, they must have connections or a system of some sort?

Throughout the month, I'd unintentionally gained Simon's friendship. I didn't get to see him often because I'd be busy doing my job around The Sanctuary and he'll always be off either scavenging or being at Negan's side. Whenever we had the chance though he always wanted to talk to me, he was curious to know how I managed to stay alive all these years.

I told him that Liliane and I always managed to find small groups, no less than three people and no more than five. The time we lost our first group was hard, the old man who was a woodcarver was the first person we looked after. Archie was the sweetest person I ever met, he'd tell Liliane and I stories at dinner time, and it was one of our favourite times given the shitty circumstances. Although he told us stories of good memories, he one day shared a story that made me realise how much hopelessness he felt.

~

_"I had a granddaughter once; her name was Evie. She was the most beautiful women, and Evie was my sweetest angel." Archie said with a smile on his face. "When all this started Evie and her mother came straight to me on this farm. They worked hard planting vegetables and collecting food." Archie pauses for a moment closing his eyes, preparing for the next part. "One day when they were out hunting for some food an accident had happened, they got overrun by zombies. There was nothing Evie could do but run, run away from the cries of help from her mother." Archie is letting a stray tear run down his cheek._

_“What happened to Evie?” I asked him._

_“She managed to get back here to the farm, she told me everything that had happened and blamed herself for it,” Archie said._

_“Oh, the poor thing, surely she didn’t blame herself forever," Liliane says, comforting Archie._

_“No, she eventually grew stronger and worked hard every day to keep me and her alive.” Archie lowers his head. “However, things got too much for her.” He said, his voice becoming quieter. “She wasn’t awake at her usual time, so I went to check on her and when I did she was one of them.” He says with regret in his voice. “I had to kill her. I didn’t know what had happened to her until I saw her goodbye note.”_

_“Oh, Archie I am so sorry,” I said placing my hand on his._

_"I should have known she was struggling; she was so busy trying to keep me alive when I should've been the one keeping her alive." He places his hands on his face to hide his shame._

_“Archie, it wasn’t your fault that she died and she’d hate to hear that you’re blaming yourself.” I put my hand on Archie’s face. “She worked hard to keep you alive because she wanted too because she loved you.”_

_Archie gave out a quiet laugh, “you remind me of her, I feel like she sent me you tell me this.”_

~

Over time the man had gotten old and quite sick. We had another person with us that eventually left because they didn't want to hang around and be dragged down by dead weight. So, in the end, it was just the three of us. He knew he was dying but before he was bedridden, he'd given me his granddaughter's bow he made to keep her safe. When the time came to Liliane, and I kept him company till his very last breath and buried him right next to Evie.  
 

***

Now and then The Saviors are allowed one day off every couple of weeks if they prove they've worked harder enough for the day off. Simon greeted me this morning to inform me I could take it easy to do whatever I see fit.

I worked my way towards The Sanctuary lounge thinking I would curl up on a couch to read a book from the library, but once I got there, I lost interest in the book as soon as I saw a guitar propped up on one of the chairs.

“Does this guitar belong to anyone?” I asked one of the saviors.

"No, you're free to use it, although it’s out of tune so good luck with that," the savior says in a disappointed tone.

"Easy fix!" I quickly grabbed the guitar and started tuning it. Once it was properly tuned, I asked if it was alright if I played a song. The Saviors that were hanging around the lounge gave me the okay.

I took my position, place my fingers on the tabs to play the right notes for the song. I took a quick look around to see them all looking at me enjoying the tune of the guitar. I closed my eyes and began to sing.

“I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,  
and I feel no evil because I’m blind to it all,  
and my mind and my gun they comfort me,  
because I know I’ll kill my enemies when they come.  
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,  
and I will dwell on this earth forevermore.  
Said I walk beside the still waters and they restore my soul.  
But I can’t walk on the path of the right because I am wrong.”

I open my eyes to see Negan sitting on a chair watching me play. I continue singing the last part of the song while my eyes were locked onto his as if I was directing this part to him. Deep down I think I was.

“Well, I came upon a man at the top of the hill,  
called himself the savior of the human race,  
said he come to save the world from the destruction and pain,  
but I said, “how can you save the world from itself?”  
I placed the guitar back on the chair still locking my eyes onto Negan’s as he got up from the chair. He shot me a smile and said, “I might be wrong about you doll.” He walks away, swinging his bat onto his shoulder.

***

It's now dinner time, and everyone is making their way to line up for their food. Dinner is held in an enormous open room that's been turned into a cafeteria. This was also another time where everyone got to sit down and relax to catch up with friends they've made in here. While I waited in line with my plate in hand, I heard a voice behind me.

"I heard you put on a show today." I spun around to see Simon standing behind me. "It's a shame I had to miss it, maybe you could sing to me one day." Simon is practically towering over me, and I couldn't help feeling my cheeks go hot.

I gave a nervous laugh. “Well, it was really a spur of the moment, it’s not every day I see a guitar laying around out there.”

I get my food and Simon follows behind me with his dinner as well, and we take a seat at one of the empty tables.

When everyone is present, Negan takes the stand on the metal walkway like usual to give a speech, to praise the people that earned the praising, to preach about what we do and why we do it. It was almost Negan’s way of praying before a meal.

"We bring back civilisations to this world. We are The Saviors." Negan preached. This was his way of saying Amen at the end of his speeches. "As you were!" He says. I begin to think he was done until I hear him call out my name. "Eleanor! Get that sweet ass up here; we need to have a little chat."

"For fuck sake," I say under my breath. “Simon, can you look after my dinner while I go see what Negan fucking wants?”

"You really trust me that much to look after your food," Simon says to me while digging his fork into my food.

"If you eat my dinner and I will kill you in your sleep," I say laughing.

I make my way towards Negan, every pair of eyes are on me wondering what this little chat is about.  
“What do you want Negan?” I say with a harsh tone.

“Don’t be so rude,” he says with a smile on his face, “I’ve got an assignment for you.”

“What’s the assignment about?” I ask him.

“Just be out in the field first thing in the morning.” He says avoiding the questions.

“Negan, what is—” I go ask again.

“Did I fucking stutter?” He asks in a very stern tone.

“Out on the field, first thing in the morning. Got it.” I say.

Negan stands there for a second looking at me with a big smile on his face, what the hell is he up to? He eventually gave me the okay to head on back to the table.

"Simon!" I yell. "You ate all my vegetables, you little shit." Simon is now laughing at me with a mouthful of vegetables that he shoved in his mouth.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.” He starts to pick his plate up and tilt it towards mine. “Here you can have this.” He slides a bit of his meal onto my plate with a smile on his face. 

I felt my heart flutter a little, and just like that, I’d forgotten all about my vegetables.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is called Through The Valley by Shaun James. I’d gotten obsessed with the song when the trailer for The Last of Us Part 2 came out. So when I was reading the lyrics that particular lines from the song just fitted to well. So yeah check them out; listening to The Last of Us Part 2 version helps to picture a female singing that part. You can listen to it here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRuZIRKwies and you can listen to the original song here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNDoWkG1FDs


	4. Up A Rank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan has given Eleanor a task to test her skills in some sort of a combat performance. Her end results will determine her fate at The Sanctuary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the people who are giving me such positive feedback on this story. I am so happy you all are loving this story. Thank you all so much!

I woke up at the crack of dawn; it was still dark outside while I was getting changed. I headed out of my bedroom, and I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard Simon’s voice greet me. 

“Eleanor, you ready?” He asked.

“Jesus! Fuck! Simon, must you?” I say putting my hand to my chest trying to stop my heart from bursting out. 

He let out a chuckle. “Sorry sweets,” his laughing getting louder, “you should have seen your face, it was fucking hilarious.” 

"Oh, shut up!" I say shoving him playfully. "Come on; I’ve got to see what Negan has planned for me.” Simon walks by my side as I make my way to the fields. “Do you have any idea what he’s got me doing?” I asked Simon. 

“Not a clue.” He says shrugging. 

“Damn.” I let a breath out making a raspberry sound with my lips. 

I reported to the field as requested by Negan, and was approached by a savior wanting me to put on light protective gear. 

“What’s this for?” I questioned, taking the items in hand. They stayed completely silent and avoided eye contact with me. I gave Simon a look as if to say “what the fuck?” and Simon just shrugged at me.

Standing there, a little lost on what was happening, I saw more and more saviors forming a circle me.

“What’s this? A fucking dance battle?” I barked.

“Oh boy, I would love to see what moves you’ve got, doll.” Negan proclaimed, standing there with that shit eating grin of his. “Serious as shit though, I want to see what skills you have in combat.” I see him turn his head, “Arat! Get over here.” 

Negan demands that I put on the protective light gear and explains the rules of how this is going to go. This performance is to test the skills of how well I can calculate movements, block, and strike efficiently. 

I commence by taking my stance, and I watched as Arat took hers. Whatever annoyance I had was long gone, I'm finally having some fun. This may not be a scavenger run, but this is the most fucking action I've ever gotten since joining The Sanctuary, my wings have been unbound, and I am free.

Arat takes the first move, aiming straight for my head. I quickly take a step, back dodging her move, but she came at me again swinging with her right leg directly into my chest. Surprised at the hit, I changed positions. I walked around with my back towards Arat so that she couldn’t make a move to the chest. 

She swings her right leg again aiming for my back. Quickly swinging around to block her kick with my right hand, and a with a smooth motion I spin around to get her in the chest with my left leg.

“Surprised bitch?” I proposed, showing a hint of pleasure out of this moment. 

With my comment, I hear Negan chuckle with amusement from my cockiness and how much enjoyment I’m getting from this.

Arat grunts at me and begins to come at me quicker. She lunges at me, and I couldn't help but feel like that she's putting more forceful angrier swings. Taking a step back to my right, I kick with my left leg, connecting with her chest. 

I could see that Arat was getting extremely pissed off with me because this time I know she was coming at me more violently. Fuck the rules at this point, if I don’t do something this bitch will knock me out. I ain’t playing fucking cute anymore. 

She goes to throw a punch at my face. I lean backwards and use my right hand to push her left arm to the side. I grabbed hold of her wrist, pulling her arm down and putting it behind her back, tugging it so that the back of her hand was almost touching her head.

Arat fell to her knees in result to this. "Can't stand having someone who can fucking match you, huh?" I spat at her. "I think this is evidence enough that I can hold my own fucking weight." I'm looking all around me, reassuring to everyone that I am no joke. 

It was silent for a second but eventually a slow clap from Negan appeared. “Well doll, you definitely proved me.” He smiles with approval. “Get yourself clean and meet me in my office.”

***

I’m walking back from the home crafted outdoor showers after I worked up such a sweat—female and male shower stalls are on either end, ensuring the privacy of others—. This took a huge chunk of my points away, but I don't think wipes could have done the job. The outdoor showers are connected to several rainwater tanks, which are hardly full from constant use from other saviors.

I got back to my room and I start to hear some footsteps coming towards me, so I turn around to see who it was. 

“Can’t sneak up on ya the second time, can I?” Simon laughs, leaning against my door frame. 

"Yeah, nice try might want to work on the heavy foot." I laugh at him.

***

I am once again in Negan's office, staring at the familier wooden desk that holds my grenade hostage. If Simon weren't in the room with me, I would attempt to retrieve what is mine.

I honestly thought Negan would have been sitting behind the desk by the time I got here, but before I could wonder where I was he busts in through the door.

“Company with my wives went a little longer than usual.” Negan quickly makes his way to the desk.

“Yeah, I can tell.” I say looking down at the zipper of his pants that are still undone, “in a hurry, were you?” I give him a smirk, watching him zip it back up. 

"Are you blushing, doll?" Negan is shooting me a wink.

“What the hell do you want Negan?” I asked.

“You’ve really got to work on your fucking manners.” 

"You know me; I'm not one to cooperate, remember?" I say arching one of my eyebrows.

“Depends on the,” he pauses and bites his lips, "situation you’re in.” He smiles and continues, “I sure as fucking shit would love to continue this, but you’re here for a different reason.”

"Yes, I would rather discuss that," I said giving a slight cough. 

"I'm starting to realise that you're better off being out there." He says, pointing to the window.

My heart is racing at this point. He is not talking about kicking me out, is he? I'm so busy trying to decipher what Negan meant by his comment that I didn't have time to ask him.

“And not cooped up in here. I’m going to assign you to Simon’s group, and you'll accompany him out on runs getting me some sweet shit."

I swung my head to look at Simon and I could tell her already knew about this news. He shot me a wink and a smile at me then motioned me to pay attention to what Negan was saying. 

I couldn’t help hide my relief and excitement of the news I got. I can finally take some time to looking for some clues. I know I'm being optimistic about finding answers, but I don't want to give up on Liliane.

"You didn't think I was going to kick you out, did you?" Negan apparently picked up on my sigh of relief.

“Uhh, no.” Lying obviously, I looked away from him and slightly shrugged.

“I am fucking offended, have a little faith in me, doll.” He gives me a smile. “You’ll start your first run with Simon tomorrow, as for now, do what is left of your job.” He gets up from his chair and walks to the door. “Now get out and prepare the grub.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my lovely beta reader lucifers-trash-stash on Tumblr for being my beta reader. You're amazing and such a quick worker!


	5. Journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor finally gets to leave The Sanctuary and do the job she wanted to do from the beginning. This sparks some interesting connection between Eleanor and Simon while heading to the Alexandria Safe Zone.

I’m in my room organising some items that I thought would deem useful on this run; wipes, headband and hair tie, a small tube of sunscreen, and a hat. I grabbed my butterfly knife and my bow, and before I could double check to make sure I have everything, I heard a knock on my door.

"Who is it?" I asked, hearing Simon's voice on the other side. I gave him the okay to enter. 

He stood there leaning against my door frame; arms crossed over his chest revealing his masculine toned arms. I took a quick scan of the room ensuring I got everything, but then I suddenly had an epiphany. I’m going to be spending most of the day with Simon, and this made me rather nervous for some reason. We've hung out before, but this seems different, I feel like once we get back, things will seem different; for good or bad will find out I suppose.

***

Simon, myself and the rest of his group are out in front of the Sanctuary going through the plans for the day, what areas we'll be visiting and where to go. Simon and I travelled in our own cars and the others went in groups.

Once everything was all clear and everyone had their roles to play, we headed off onto our destination. 

“I always wondered how The Saviors managed to get a lot of the supplies on their runs.” I turn to Simon, watching him concentrate on the road. “I know there had to be a system or something.” 

“Well then, nothing flies by you now does it, Eleanor?” Simon laughs taking a quick glance at me. 

“Oh shut up, I never thought to ask.” I paused for a moment. “I just accepted what is given to me and thank those who gave it to me.” 

Simon described the system to me; there are three compounds; Alexandria Safe Zone, The Hilltop and The Kingdom. The Saviors offer them service of safety and in return they're given half of their supplies.

Considering the vast distance between all three The Saviors don't have time to visit all three, so they spread it out in weeks; one week they'll visit the Alexandria Safe Zone, the next week they'll visit The Kingdom and the week after that they'll visit The Hilltop. The group who visits the three compounds varies in people, depending on the level of business.

“We’re heading to the Alexandria Safe Zone today.” Simon gives me a huge smile with excitement. “This is going to be quite entertaining for your first time on this runs!” His eyes back on the road.

“What makes you say that?” I ask him.

“Negan will be joining as later, so you’ll see." He shoots me a wink, and I find myself smirking because of it.

Simon catches me smiling at him, and he smiles back taking his eyes off the road. I could feel my heart beating in my throat. What was happening? What is he doing to me? Why do I feel like I'm floating on a cloud whenever he looks at me like that? All these questions going through my head and then suddenly something catches my attention out of the corner of my eye.

“Look out!” I scream at Simon, my head jerking forward from the sudden halt of the car coming to a screeching stop.

“Fucking deer!” Simon yells out the window. 

"Wait, turn the car off for a second," I asked Simon unbuckling my seatbelt.

“What? Why?” He asked.

From the passenger seat, I reached over to the backseat of the car to grab my bow and arrow. 

“Going to get us a feast!” I say coming back to the passenger side. 

I got out of the car and hurried off in the direction where the deer sprinted off, Simon following close behind. Once I have got into the bush and saw the track left behind by the deer I slowed my pace down. 

"I need you to be very fucking quiet; I don't want you spooking it," I say as I start to crouch slowly creeping forward. 

“Where is it?” He whispered to me.

“Shhh! Duck down further." I say to him motioning him to do as he is told.

I could see the deer perfectly in the distance, calmly standing there minding its own business. I took my position, and ever so slowly prepared my bow and arrow. Like always I position the arrow carefully, the fletching dancing between my fingers. I took a deep breath in and held my pose for a second and exhaled, as I exhaled I released the arrow.

“Bullseye!” I cheered as I ran towards the downed deer. “Simon, could you pass me your knife please?” I asked him.

Simon gladly gave me his knife, which is perfect for field dressing; a process of removing the internal organs of the deer or any other hunted animal. A necessary step in preserving the meat from hunted animals. This process must be done as soon as possible. Another one of these kinds of skills Liliane and I got taught from an old group of ours; they were excellent hunters.

As soon as I completed the processes, I proceeded to carry the deer and headed off back towards the car. Realising that I couldn't hear a second pair of footsteps, I turned around to see Simon still standing where I left him.

"Simon, you seemed to have dropped your jaw on the ground." I laugh and begin to scan him up and down, "at ease soldier," I say, referencing to a certain something getting ready to stand salute. "Come on, help me get this on the back of the truck for one of the groups to take it back," I say giving Simon a wink.

***

We reached the gates of Alexandria, and to our surprise, Negan was already there. I looked over to Simon to see if he was concerned, but he wasn't.

"Oh boy, I hope we didn't miss anything good!" Simon says eagerly.

The gates opened, and we slowly drove in, parking next to the car that was obviously Negan's ride in. I could see Negan turning around to look at us; his expression is filled with excitement as if he was thrilled that more people have arrived.

Simon and I get out of the truck and start heading towards Negan.

"Glad you two could fucking join us," Negan said in a happy tone. He came towards me, again not knowing the term of a personal bubble, "let me introduce you to the fine people of Alexandria." He begins to walk, and I follow just slightly behind him. "This sorry shit right here is Rick, he's a real pain in my fucking ass, but I hope to fuck that he's learnt his lesson, right Rick?" Negan's tone is becoming more aggressive.

I step out behind from Negan slightly to see the look on Ricks' face, and I could see he's completely terrified of him, I wonder what he did to piss him off. I continue to scan him as Negan spoke and all at once I felt like I wanted to cry when I heard a familiar voice.


	6. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor is met with a familiar friend that she’s happy to see. However, the friendly reunion goes south.

Everything seems to be a blur of the emotions I am feeling; excited, relieved, confused and angry. All I can hear is muffled voices, and my visions blurred, I feel like I can’t breathe and I can’t form any words. I’m a deer in the headlights. 

As I begin to calm down I can hear the voices more clearly, and I can indicate who they belong to, but the one that matters the most to me is Liliane's.

“Ellie?” Liliane whispers to me, uncertainty in her voice.

"Lilly? Oh god, Lilly!" I run towards her with tears running down my face and she just stands completely still. “What happened to the rest of the group?” I ask her.

“They’re here,” she said to me with worried eyes. 

“What happened? Why did you guys leave?” I ask her.

Liliane begins to cry, “Ellie please forgive me, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“For what to happen Lilly?” I questioned.

"This is getting fucking exciting!" Negan chimes in. "Someone get me a fucking drink."

“We tried to wait for you but you took too long,” Liliane’s voice begins to crack, “we didn’t want to pass up this opportunity, this was the best thing to happen to us, you know what we’ve been through.” She tries to take my hand, “you were always off on your own so I thought it was what you wanted,” she continues, “I’m sick of losing people Ellie, I tried to leave you a note.” She’s sobbing through each word. “I wa—waited for you, but you never showed up, I thoug—I thought you left, I assumed you didn't make it.” 

“So you abandoned and gave up on me!?” I say, feeling myself drifting away from Liliane, physically and metaphorically. “Don’t you think I was sick of it too!” I barked at her. “How could you do this to me, Lilly, after everything!"

“Ellie, plea—," Liliane went to plead her case but was cut off.

“Well, well, well, isn’t this quite the fucking reunion.” Negan gushed loudly. “Lilly, right?” Negan asks swinging his bat. “I’d hate to be a fucking stick-in-the-mud, but I’m gonna have to end this reunion,” Negan turns to me shooting me that devilish grin of his. “Ellie here needs to get back to fucking work!” He swings his bat to point in the direction I needed to go.

I do as I'm told and walk past Liliane, Rick and the rest of the group and head in the direction Negan pointed. I feel so betrayed and so alone, I held my breath to stop myself from bursting into to tears; it's just so hard, and it hurts so much.

I heard someone running up behind me, and I know it's Simon. He directed me to the location of where they stored half the supplies for us. He has to direct me from behind as he couldn't keep up with my fast pace. As soon as I can check that everything is in order the sooner, I can get away from here.

Simon and I walked into the storage room, and I started to cross check the list that's in my hand. I'd forgot that I'd been holding my breath this entire time, so when I took a breath, everything just came out. I threw the notepad down on the ground, and I just collapsed in tears, Simon rushing towards me.

“I never gave up on her even though everyone was telling me that she was already dead.” I’m gritting my teeth with anger and tears. “She saw a bigger group was more important than me.” I’m just ranting this all to Simon, all he is doing is listening and not saying a word. “How can she do this, Simon?” I ask, even though I know he wouldn’t have the answers.

"The apocalypse brings out the bad in the good," Simon says, trying to comfort me. "Some just can't be trusted."

“Then why should I trust you?” I questioned. 

I get up from the ground and continue what I was going while trying to calm myself down before I show my face out there. Simon didn’t say much after I questioned him on why I should trust me, he just stood there keeping guard.

Once done, I took a quick scan of everything to make sure I didn't miss anything while I had my spat before. I closed the notepad, closed my eyes and took a deep breath in to prepare myself to face Liliane again.

I headed to Negan and gave him the notepad, “everything is in check, they’re a man of their word.” I can tell that Negan knows that I’ve been crying, the way he looked at me gave it away and all I wanted to do is get away from the place. 

“Fan-fucking-tastic!" Negan announces. "You two head on back, I can handle this," Negan says pointing to Simon and me.

“Ellie! Please wait.” I can hear Liliane calling out to me. I stop in my tracks, but I don’t turn around, I’m contemplating on listening to what she as to say or just keep walking.  
“I did leave you a note I swear, please, you have to believe me!” She goes to grab my hand.

"Lilly, I don't know what to say." I got to walk away from her, but she grabs hold of my hand stopping me.

"Please." She whispers to me. I could feel that she's placed something in my hands, but I am too worked up to think what it could be. I yank my hand out from out of hers and start walking out of the compound.

***

Simon and I are heading back to The Sanctuary, and all there is in the car is silence. I only wish that there is a functioning radio to drown out the silence. I'm becoming desperate so I look in the glove compartment to see if I could find a CD or anything, and to my luck there is. It's a custom-made CD titled ‘favourite', I put the CD into the CD player and the first song starts to play.

I rolled my window down, laid the seat back and watched the trees fly past as I try very hard to stop my brain from thinking about the memories I have of Liliane and me.  


~

“Oh, Ellie! Check out the sunset; it's so orange!" Liliane waves at me to hurry up and sit down. Liliane and I had taken a hike up to gain a better for of our surroundings.

“It’s hard to believe beautiful things can still happen in this world after everything.” I looked at the sunset in awe.

"I'm so lucky you know, I still carry hope with me, I still believe beautiful things can happen, and you know why?" Liliane placed her hand one me.

“No, I don’t," I said

"Because I still have you, Ellie,” Liliane wraps her arm around me,” it's you that makes me strong, that makes me fight for this world.".

~

I turn my head more to face the window to hide from Simon that I was crying again. I don't want things to end like this between Liliane and me; I wish there were a way for me to talk to her without a tonne of people around us. I loosened my fist that I formed from trying to hold in my cries and realised what the item is in my hands. I jolted in shock, from what I can feel it’s a piece of paper, a letter maybe? Directions? 

“I never thanked you,” Simon said almost making me jump out of the window.

“Thanked me for what?” I ask him tightening my fist to ensure he can’t see the paper.

“For hunting that deer, it’s been a while since we’ve had proper meat.” Simon shoots me a comforting smile.

"Oh, yeah, well I like to get meat when I can," I say, smirking at him making sure he doesn't notice me place the paper in my pocket. "Maybe Negan will let me out more so that I can hunt more."

***

I’m back at The Sanctuary placing my items back into my room where they belonged. I sit on my bed and reach into my pocket to grab the paper. I began to read it but was quickly cut off when I hear a knock at the door. In a fit of panic, I shove the paper under my pillow.

I get up from my bed and open my door. 

"I wanted to talk to you about today," Simon says placing his hand on my forearm.

I invite him into my room, and I sit close to my pillow to make sure the letter is safe. I tap the space next to him to sit down next to me.

“I’m happy to hear your friend is alive, but I’m sorry that she betrayed you like that.” Simon says, placing his hand on my knee, he continues, “when you asked back there why you should trust me,” he grabs my hands and entwines his fingers with mine, “I would never do anything that would make you feel like this.” Simon begins to lean closer to me, and I can feel my heart racing. He's lips are inches away from mine. "Ellie I—" he goes to continue, but I cut him off.

“Please tell me you don’t know anything about the letter she left,” gripping his hand tighter as if I was making sure he wasn’t going anywhere.

"No, I—," Simons says, but I cut him off.

"Don't lie to me Simon, I know you and Negan were there, you took the car!" I'm saying to him through clench teeth, tears running down my face.

He places his hands on my face, using his thumbs to wipe my tears away. He comes a little closer again as if he wants me to look into his eyes and see the truth for myself.

“Ellie, I never saw a letter, you must believe me.” He says, looking so deep into my eyes.

"Why should I," I say, through whispering tears.

Suddenly it was like time slowed down around us, Simon embraces me in a kiss, leaning down and I follow laying down on my bed. Simon lifts his head and cups my cheek, wiping more tears away. 

I guess in the end both good and bad things happened once I'd gotten back, I'm not sure which one is good and which one is bad, though I'll find out eventually when I see Lilly again.

_Ellie,_  
Meet me at our base in two days’ time.  
Be there at sunrise,   
I must tell you something.  
Come alone.  
Lilly 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song playing on the CD is called Black Flies by Ben Howard


	7. Dazed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor feels more lost more than ever. She does her best keeping herself away from Negan and Simon, but things don’t work out in her favour, or do they?

Nothing went further after Simon, and I kissed. I explained to him that things are a little confusing for me at the moment. I know I feel something for him, and I want my feelings for him to be genuine not because I’m feeling lonely right now. I want my actions to be pure and all for him and him alone. 

Simon was very understanding of my request and appreciated what I wanted. He’d given me a peck on the forehead and wished me goodnight.

Once he closed my bedroom door, I curled up into a ball and bawled my eyes out. I feel like I'm back at the beginning; lost and confused. I just hope when Liliane and I meet up in two days times it'll shed some light on a few things. I feel betrayed, but I'm not going to let her go that easily.

***

I spent most of the night going over in my head where things went wrong. I scanned my brain to see if I remember missing the letter or not. Did I see it or was it missing? These are the things that kept me awake, and I woke up feeling like everything was just a bad lucid dream.

I just laid there staring at my ceiling trying to figure it out. I sat up in my bed, and the more I woke up, the more I knew everything was real, and then I began to feel sick to my stomach. To help get my mind off yesterday, I started to think about Simon. I began to trace my lips from where he placed his tender kisses; I couldn't help but blush and smile at the feeling that remains there.

I swung my legs off the bed and put my feet on the ground. "I better get ready for whatever today fucking has for me." I walked over to my dresser, stripping layers of clothing I wore yesterday off and placed them onto the small pile of dirty clothes. I stood in front of my dressing naked, and I grab a wipe from the drawers so that I can freshen up and change into to cleaner clothes.

I grab the pile of laundry and place them into a bag to be washed. It’s not as good as a washing machine but it’s better than nothing, it gets rid of most of the dirt and most of the smell. Once I was ready to go out, I grab the bag filled with clothes and placed it outside my door.

“Let’s walk and talk doll,” I heard Negan’s voice coming from the left of me. I turn my head to the side in surprise, not expecting him to be greeting me at my door. Was he coming to knock on my door?

"Uh, okay," I said.

“I am surprised at how fucking well you handled the situation yesterday.” He walks a little ahead of me to then face me while walking backwards. “I knew you were something but damn,” he places Lucille under his arm and begins to clap, “round of a fucking applause for you, doll.”

I stood dead in my tracks and looked at Negan, not approving his applause towards me. Everything is still raw for me, and he could see that when he suddenly changed his facial expression.

“Ah shit, I’m sorry,” he steps closer to me, “I didn’t mean to be insensitive, I was just trying to fuck around.” He strokes his scruffy chin in evidence that he regrets what he said.

“I don’t have fucking time to play your little fucking mind games,” I clench my jaw and continue, “now if you’d please excuse me I have a job to do, remember," I say.

I go to walk away from Negan, but he stops me, "you think you're going to go out there in your state of mind?" He wiggles his finger to say no, "can't risk you fucking something up because you're not thinking straight."

I'm too tired to try and argue with him or try to figure out why he was doing this. To be honest, I didn't feel like dealing with people today anyway, so I’ll take it.

"Fine," I just looked at Negan, and I couldn't help but notice the subtle surprise he's showing on his face.

“Listen, I’ve known Rick to make plans,” Negan says, making sure I’m processing what he’s saying, “I wouldn’t be surprised if your little friend has something up her fucking sleeve.”

Negan knew he crossed the line; I didn't have to say anything I just looked at him, and he was aware that I wanted to punch him in the face. He stepped to the side, and I stormed off finally getting away from his presence.

***

I spent most of the day just helping others around The Sanctuary to keep my mind occupied and not go mentally insane from trying to think so much. I also did my best avoiding Negan, and even though I didn't want to, I avoided Simon as well. I can't deal with any more mind games from Negan, and I don’t want to use Simon as a distraction.

I skipped dinner this time round and stayed in my room and because I now had nothing to occupy my mind I was back to my ways. This time it was different, though, I've gone from feeling upset and sorry for myself to being mad and wanting to act. I thought about what Negan said to me earlier today, “I wouldn’t be surprised if your little friend has something up her fucking sleeve.” So, I contemplated to myself; I'm going to take matters into my hands and find out if he knows anything. My plan is to break into his office while everyone is asleep and see what I can find.

I’m feeling empowered with this new emotion that’s giving me the courage to sneak into the lion’s den. I’m excited from the curiosity of what I'll find. Could I possibly find the missing letter from Liliane? I don't know, but I'll find out soon enough.

***

I waited long enough to hear complete silence; it's so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I can't even pick up the walkers out the front of the Sanctuary. I know it’s time to start sneaking out and head towards Negan’s office. I slowly open my bedroom door and look through the tiny crack I’ve made. I open the door every couple of inches to see more of the hallway until I felt confident to open the door all the way.

I took a deep breath and stepped out my room, closing the door quietly behind me. I walked semi on my tippy toes to ensure I didn't create any echoes with the sound of my bare feet slapping against the cold concrete. I stuck firmly to the walls while brushing my hands along them, checking behind me every so often. It may be quiet, but I know that there are Savoirs who patrol the compound.

The one helpful thing about visiting Negan's office so often is that I know where to go and I knew I was close.

As soon as I turned the corner, a Savior was patrolling the hallway where Negan's office door stands. I stood in my tracks for a second in shock and horror thinking I was busted. When I came to, I realised that the Savior has their back to me thankfully. I quickly zipped back around the corner, where I watched and waited for the Savior to make their move.

Whatever entity is out there watching over me must have been annoyed with my luck these past few days because that being has granted me such luck for tonight. The Savior still having it’s back to me headed down the hall and turned the corner. I quickly but quietly ran to the office door, putting my ear to it to listen if anything was on the other side. I couldn’t hear anything, so I quickly go on my hands and knees to look under the door. Thanks to the faint light in the room I could see if there was anyone in the room and thankfully there wasn’t.

I grabbed hold of the door knob and slowing began to turn it. To my surprise, it's unlocked. Here I am standing in Negan's office in my pyjamas. I can't believe I made it this far, never thought to actually stop to plan on what I would search for if I manage to get in here. 

Before I wanted to do anything, I observed my surroundings. The faint light I saw earlier is coming from another door that is slightly open. From what I can see from where I'm standing there wasn't anyone in there, but making sure I crouched down and headed over to Negan's desk.

I go to open the drawers, but they wouldn't budge. I remember now from when Negan confiscated my grenade he locked the drawers. I didn't want to waste my time looking for keys, so I'd taken a poppy pin out of my hair and went to work with the lock.

After a few moments and now a mangled bobby pin the drawers are now open. The first thing grabbed is the grenade, he has no use for this, and I need it more than he does. I continue to rummage through the drawers until I heard a faint noise coming from the door. I froze in place and quickly hid under the table, and I waited and listened for the sound again.

I heard it again, and it’s little louder this time. I became confident enough that the sounds that I’m hearing aren’t sounds of someone coming towards the door. I get out from under the table and slowly make my way to the open door. I put myself up against a wall beside the slightly open door, I take a deep breath, held it in and peeked through the door.

Fortunately, with holding my breath, it stopped me from gasping and giving my position away. What my eyes are seeing right now, I'm ashamed to say, but I can't look away. I feel my body going warm and I can tell my face is red like a tomato. It makes perfect sense as to why I could hear such noise before.

There he is, the leader of the Sanctuary; Negan, between the legs of one of his women. Both moaning in unison is making music to my ears. I can see him biting the women's lips, and I catch myself nibbling my own. I want to look away but I can't, I don't know why I can't stop.

The kisses Negan is leaving on her are sending shockwaves throughout my body, and I’m beginning to feel weak. Negan starts to move his head, and I don't think anything of it, but he begins to tilt his head towards the door. I quickly swing my head back against the wall, and now I am praying to god he didn't see me, was I too late?

Either way, I don't want to find out if he saw me. I start to walk backwards keeping my eye on the door, only looking every so often behind me to make sure I don’t bump into anything. I am praying to the entity that watches me tonight to make sure I don’t bump into anything.

My back greets the door with a soft thud and to be honest; it's the quickest I've ever quietly opened a door. I hurried to my room ever so quietly, not caring about the Saviors patrolling the halls. All I wanted was to get to my room and process what just happened.

I get into my room, and I'm just standing in the middle of it. I start to giggle; I am giggling like a girl that has seen two grownups kissing. I couldn't believe the way I am acting, but I just can't help myself.

As my giggles and snorts become less frequent I start to realise; maybe I am thinking too much about this whole letter. What if sh did leave a note but the wind blew it away making go missing. I have been so quick to judge everyone lately, and I wish I didn't. I can't blame myself for not trusting people because of what's happen in the past. I need to learn to let go of the past and the fear it holds.

Then it hits me, the conclusion I just came up with just hit me like a tonne of bricks.

“Simon,” I let his name slip out in a whisper.

He’s been with me this whole time, looking after me, making friends with me and I just shut him out. I don’t let him in as much as he lets me in but he still deeply cares for me. I begin to think about what I said to him yesterday.

“Then why should I trust you? Why Should I”

Those words, I kept repeating them in my head. I felt like such an idiot for saying those words and remembering the look he gave me when I said it.

“Things are going to change, Simon,” I say, looking at the grenade. Walking over to the chested drawers and hiding it in amongst clothes.


	8. Let Go of Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor begins to realise her weakness and is beginning to take control of it. She start’s to let go of a few things and stops it from stopping her progressing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies, thank you all for the positive feedback it really means a lot. Sorry for the late upload, I’ve been a little busy lately. I’m going to be extending when I post these chapters until further notice.

I woke up feeling completely different than I ever have in a while. I was for once in a good mood and feeling good. I instantly thought, I can’t wait to see Simon and apologise for the way I’ve been acting.

The quickest I’ve ever gotten out of bed was the day Liliane and I were catching a flight to travel all of America. That was three years ago now, and we’re still here. The only difference is, we’re trying to survive each second.

~

_“I feel so trapped here Ellie,” Liliane says, sitting on the fence just taking her gaze of the open farm, “I’m sick of the city, I just want to see different things.”_

_"I have a plan," I say, putting my hand on her shoulder to get her attention, "how about starting from now we'll save whatever we can, and by the time we're twenty we'll go travelling with all that we’ve saved.”_

_Liliane is looking at me trying to figure out if I’m messing with her. I know that she’d be thinking it’s too good to be true._

_“I’m being serious Lilly," I give her a warm smile, "I'd hate to see you miserable here, and the least I can do for all the things you've done for me is to give you joy in return.”_

_“Oh Ellie, we don’t have to do this,” Liliane says, trying to convince me._

_“Yes we do and besides I want to travel too,” I gave her a cheeky smile._

_“Okay, yeah, let’s do it!” Liliane squeals out of excitement._

~

I do my usual morning routine a lot quicker than normal. I want to get out of my room and find Simon as soon as possible. I know I’d have to see him anyway to discuss what plan is for today but I wanted to talk to him before all that.

I hurried out my door to head to where the meeting is going to be held; I'm hoping Simon would be there because if he's in his room, then I'm screwed. I don't know where to look if I wanted to go hunting for it, and I don't feel like opening every door to find him. I could probably ask Negan where it is but I kind of want to avoid him at the moment. 

So, I start making my way to the location of the meeting, and I am relieved to see that Simon is there sorting things out for the meeting. He heard my footsteps but only took a quick look behind him not getting a proper look at who it is. When his brain processed who it is, he quickly swung around in surprise. Obviously wasn’t expecting me to be here so early. 

“Ellie, I wasn’t expec—" Simons goes to say, but I cut him off.

“I'm not known for being a teacher's pet,” I shoot Simon a smile, “I’m not here because I want to be on time, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Yeah, sure thing, what’s up?” Simon says, coming a little closer to me. 

“I'm sorry for avoiding you yesterday; I just needed to be alone, and I should have told you,” I say, biting my lip hoping he doesn't think I'm playing him or something.

“Hey,” Simon puts his hands on my shoulder, “it’s fine I understand.”

“I've just been so caught up in the past that I realise that I need to let go,” I put my hands on his hands, “It's not getting me anywhere if anything it's making me paranoid and risking my life.” 

“But the past is also what keeps you alive,” Simon says. 

“Yes it has, but there is a lot that's holding me back,” I take his hands off my shoulders and hold them. I start stepping forward and place Simon’s hands on my hips, encouraging him to wrap his hands around, which he does. "I've been so blind to see how much you've proven to me that I can trust you." Before I could let him say anything, I planted a delicate kiss on his lips.

Simon is standing quite still and rather stiff. I parted from him slightly to see his face, and he gave me a small smile, “well this is definitely a good way to start the morning,” he says with enthusiasm, but his expression isn’t giving me much. 

Simon went to say something but instead, he pulled me away. I looked at him rather confused and could see that he’s looking at something. I turn around and I can see Negan standing behind us.

“Oh, don’t let me stop you two,” Negan shoots me a wink, “I don’t mind a little entertainment, hell I could go for a good fucking show right now.” Negan says, looking at me with this big grin on his face, “Ahh I’m just fucking with you both.” 

I can feel my face going bright red and all I can think is, oh my god does he know or am I just being paranoid? 

“You all set to go to the hilltop?” Negan asks, now looking at Simon. 

“Yes sir,” Simon says. 

“That’s what I like to fucking hear,” Negan says pointing to Simon, “this is why you’re my right-hand man, you get shit done,” Negan turns around and twirls his finger in the air, “I’ll leave you two at it then.” 

I stood there looking at the door completely stunned; still flustering through my brain on what the hell just happened. I look over towards Simon and he’s back to cross checking that he has what is needed for today. 

“Uh, I’m going to go get ready,” I say to Simon, “I’ll see you later for the meeting.” 

Simon takes hold of my hand gently, “I’ll see you later okay, sweets,” Simon brushes a rouge hair out of my face and tucks it behind my ear. I gave Simon a slight smile, tilting my head to press my face more into his touch.  
 

***

Simon and I set off on the road to the hill top. The meeting was rather brief, and from my understanding, it’s not going to be a long run. It’s somewhat going to be a grab and go mission; Gregory is “a fucking coward,” to put it in Simon’s words.

Negan had other business to attend elsewhere. It makes me pleased, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure if I can function properly after what I witnessed last night. I’m looking forward to spending more time with Simon, hopefully, when we’re done at the hill top we have time to ourselves when we get back.

“Ellie, I feel like I must warn you about Gregory,” Simon says, not taking his eyes off the road.

“What is there to tell me you haven’t already said?” I ask.

“A lot, but one of the things you need to know is his creepy flirtatious nature,” Simon says.

I couldn’t help but chuckle for a moment at his warning, “it’s really nothing new for me Simon.”

“I know, but it’s not you I’m worried about,” Simon says, his hands twitching while gripping the steering wheel, “I’m just trying to remind myself that he is a gutless pig; he’s not worth getting worked up over.” 

“Simon, I can handle it myself,” I delicately put my hand on his shoulder, “It’s nothing I can’t manage,” I gave Simon’s shoulder a squeeze, “thank you, Simon.”

Simon gave me a wide smile, which leads me to wonder. Is he new to this? Having a woman able to handle most situations for themselves? I mean, I can’t handle everything myself, I have my moments when I can’t cope with things but it’s something I had to grow into because of the whole apocalypse. It’s nice though, having someone to defend you when you need it.

***

I think it’s taken Simon, myself and the rest of the group two hours to get to the hill top. It’s somewhat further away from Alexandria safe zone and in the opposite direction.

The gate opens for us and we pull in, stopping just a little past the gate. I get out of the truck and take in my surroundings. In the distance, I can see the hotel surrounded by caravans, tents and crops. I walk round to the front of the truck and watch Simon hop out. His body language is talking power and leader; he is in control. I couldn’t help but feel as if he is playing the role of Negan; his stride is the march of someone with a dominant behaviour, and I’m loving it. 

“It’s good to see you all made it here safely.” A male speaks out with a hint of sarcasm. I turn to the direction of his voice and see him standing there with his arms crossed. He’s got long hair reaching to his shoulders and a full thick beard. I laugh at my sudden thought of how he would make an excellent Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar. 

“Rain, hail or sunshine, we got shit to do,” Simon says to him, “where’s Gregory?” Simon asks, heading up the hill towards the mansion. 

“Where he always is,” the man points to the mansion, “but I guess you already know that,” he says to Simon when he walks past. I follow Simon behind him a bit of a distance behind him. 

“I’m Jesus by the way,” Jesus says, walking beside me.

“Of course it is,” I say, laughing in response, and Jesus raises one of his eyebrows and gives me smirk. 

I catch up to Simon, “has this Gregory guy ever come out to greet you?” I ask Simon.

“Once, but that was when I first arrived here and wasn’t expecting me,” Simon shoots me a smile, “He’s never come out to greet me since, kind of rude actually.”

Simon and I are at the door waiting to be let in, along with the rest of us. The door opened and I would have thought Gregory would have opened it but he didn’t. A woman stood at the door, her hair a buzz cut and pale skin. 

“He’s in his office,” the women said. 

“Thank you, Ava, you’re very kind,” Simon says, his tone isn’t sincere, though.  
Following Simon close behind into the house and towards the office. Simon bust through the door, I would have thought he kicked it open if I didn’t see his hands on the doorknobs. 

“Gregory!” Simons yells in a cheerful tone, “on your knees like you should be,” Simons stands over him with his hands on his hips, “I’m glad you’re starting to remember this one very important rule.” 

Simon starts to walk around the office touching and picking up everything in his sight. I sit down in one of the chairs and watch Gregory get up from his knees, looking me up and down. 

“What?” I asked Gregory. 

“What’s your name?” Gregory asked.

“Eleanor,” I say, looking over to Simon. 

“Alright boys and girls, you know what to do,” Simons waves around, motioning the group to head on out, “let’s grab the shit and go.” 

I can see Gregory still staring at me and it’s starting to bother me.

“Do I have something on my face?” I ask in an aggressive tone.

“I’ve never seen such a beautiful sweet woman like you be part of the saviors,” Gregory comes closer to me with a smile on his face, “I’d hope they’re not corrupting you.”

I let out a small laugh. I can see what game he’s playing; he’s playing with the wrong person, though. I ever so slightly and carefully pulled out my butterfly knife. I start flinging it around, never taking my eyes off Gregory. He goes to step away, but I stop him dead in his tracks when he realised that I placed the knife on his crotch. 

“Listen here Gregory, I know what you’re getting at and it doesn’t work on me,” I get up from the chair, “you don’t look at me, and you definitely don’t fucking sweet talk me,” I pull the knife away, “understand, Gregory?” 

I look over towards Simon sitting on the desk just silently chuckling at what he just witness. Gregory didn’t respond to what I said, but I know he understands by the way he’s now looking at me.

Simon, Gregory and I waited for another couple of minutes, and eventually one of the saviours comes into the office to inform Simon that the job is complete. 

“Thank you, Gregory, for the lovely company you give us.” Simon says, giving Gregory his biggest smile possible, “we’ll see each other soon enough,” Simon peeks through the door one last time, “till then ta-ta.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was watching Jesus Christ Super Star while writing this chapter :D


	9. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor and Simon report back to Negan after their trip to Hilltop, she explains to Negan what had happened and he seems rather pleased with how she handled it. After the meeting with Negan, Simon shows her a little heaven which sets their relationship off on the road to success.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness! I am so thrilled to have this out! Thank you for commenting on my updates and letting me know how much you loved the story so far. Thank you all for being so patient, I am so thrilled at the amount of support I am getting. I really can't thank you enough!

As soon as we left the Hilltop Simon radioed Negan to inform him that we’re on our way with the supplies. 

“My balls are tingling from all the fucking goodies,” Negan joked, “I know you’ve got good shit to tell me about that pussy Gregory.”

“Boy, do I,” Simon says, flashing a huge smile at me, making a giggle slip out of my mouth.

“Meet me in my office when you get back here,” Negan says with an eager tone. To be honest I couldn’t help but imagine this all to be like gossip; apocalyptic gossip. 

“Rodger that,” Simon says, acknowledging the request. 

“Do you two just have like this pyjama party and talk shit about other people in this apocalyptic world,” I laugh at Simon, “oh my god I can’t believe that bitch wore that halter with that gun,” I say mimicking the Hollywood movie stereotype of a stuck up rich white girl. 

“Like totally!” Simon mimicked back, hand gestures and all. 

I burst into to tears with laughter with his response and how ridiculous he looked. He outsmarted me with that comeback, he’s always one step ahead of me.

***

We make our way to Negan’s office; the rest of the saviors are busy putting the supplies in their dedicated area. 

I wasn't going to attend this meeting with Simon and Negan, but Simon insisted that I'd join to tell Negan Gregory's behaviour towards me. He explained that it's a good way to show Negan that I can handle a lot of different situations, makes me look more reliable. Not that I’m unreliable but to show that I’ve been improving and fitting nicely into the group with Simon.

Simon knocked on Negan’s door and within seconds Negan opened the door and greeted us with the famous smile of his. He stepped to the side and motioned us permission to enter his office. 

The first day I was in this room I waited for permission to be seated, but now I find myself comfortably sinking into the lounge that's near the window.

Simon starts off with telling Negan the supplies we picked up and what we're doing with them at this current time. Simon talks about anything that may have been new to Negan and gave him in detail what the people were like and what the area was like. Any updates that they did Negan knew about them because of Simon.

“Gregory was his usual self; a gutless pig," Simon says, "he tried to suck up the ass of Ellie," Simon turns to look at me so that I could tell the story in depth.

"He got rather close for my liking," I sat up crossing my leg and slightly leaning forward, "he couldn't believe someone as sweet and beautiful like me is part of The Saviors."

“Yeah Gregory can be a fucking sweet talker,” Negan says with a chuckle, “so what happened?” Negan asks.

“I knew what he was trying to do and I wasn’t going to tolerate it,” I pull out my butterfly knife and begin flinging it around with a smile on my face, “so I gave him a warning that I’ll be sure that he never has the balls to do anything ever if he tried to pull that bullshit again.”

“You are such a badass!” Negan chanted, "Gregory had it coming, to be honest. That guy is such a fucking sleaze I'm actually surprised he even has guts to pull that fucking stunt," Negan rolls his eyes at how ridiculous Gregory can be, "you two are dismissed, you've done well for The Sanctuary and are rewarded with the rest of the day off."

“Thank you,” Simon and I said simultaneously.

Simon and I left Negan’s office and just as I was about to head off to my room Simon asks if I wanted to get something to eat with him. 

“Mm yes actually,” I say to Simon patting my stomach, “I am feeling quite peckish.”

“Come with me and I’ll see what I can grab us,” Simon holds out his hand for me to take. 

Simon hurried to the food supply room while dragging me along. I may be slightly shorter than him but it’s still hard to keep up with someone while they’ve got hold of your hand. I think it’s mostly because I’m too busy trying not to trip over his heels. 

We get to the food supply; Simon grabs hold of a basket and begins to fill it with a couple of apples. I’m starting to wonder if Simon has something planned, the way he’s hurrying makes me wonder what he’s up to. 

“Come on,” Simon says to me when he was done grabbing the food. I follow him the best I could but, Simon is walking in a speedy stride and I’m practically jogging to keep up. 

We found ourselves making our way up a flight of stairs; I could be wrong here, but the number of stairs we're climbing would indicate that we're going to the top of The Sanctuary. 

"Ah how much more to go,” I say in a whiny voice.

“We’re here,” Simon said with a laugh. 

He opens the door to the roof and immediately I could see the bright sky and the beautiful fluffy clouds. I stood in the middle and spun around slowly taking in the view and the surrounding. It wasn’t mountain top view, but it was something. Better than what we see these days.

"I come up here if I want to unwind a little," Simon takes a deep breath in and a lengthy exhale, "this place is a nice area if you just want a moment to yourself and collect yourself."

I don’t know if it was the view or if it what he said, but I felt all warm and I couldn’t help but feel weak at the knees. Simon and the rest of these people may show off this tough persona, but deep down they’re all humans who struggle. It's easy to forget that we are human and I love that Simon still sees that and understands that even though it's the apocalypse, you just need a moment to let yourself process everything.

“Remember this moment and I’ll tell you why later,” I turn to Simon with a smile on my face. 

“Okay then,” Simon says, giving me a confused look.

Once I had finished admiring the view we sat down together and leant against the concrete frame. Simon placed the basket between us; handing me an apple and getting himself one as well. 

"I know that you're having a hard time dealing with your friend and all," Simon places his hand on my knee, "so if you need a place to get away for a while feel free to come up here," he gives my knee a bit of a squeeze making me get goosebumps.

“Thank you, Simon, I really appreciate that,” I place my hand on his and grab hold of it.

***

Simon and I spent hours talking our past, our cherished memories and our embarrassing ones. I know we spoke for ages, but I didn't realise how long it's been until I looked up at the sky to see a beautiful mixture of purple, orange and pink.

“Oh my god,” I let out a breathy gasp.

I stood up and when I saw past the concrete frame I am amazed at what my eyes are seeing. It’s the most beautiful sunset I ever witnessed. Seeing this triggered a memory I have with Lilly and a huge smile escaped me.

“Remember this moment and I’ll tell you why later,” Simon says standing beside me. I turn to look at him and I still have a huge smile stuck on my face. It’s not only the memory cause this, but also the fact that Simon knew what I was talking about when I said that to him before. 

Simon steps in closer towards me and takes a gentle hold of my head. I wrapped my hands around his waist and embracing him, feeling every muscular curve. He tilts his head and places a delicate kiss on my lips. He kisses are different this time round, they're filled with passion, softness and love.

It finally happened, I have irrevocably fallen in love with Simon.


End file.
